


Cooking with Popo: How to Make Water

by Puph_17



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24363313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puph_17/pseuds/Puph_17
Summary: Popo's started an internet cooking show and Ness decides to give it a watch!
Kudos: 5





	Cooking with Popo: How to Make Water

**Author's Note:**

> This is an experiment that made it's way to a completed draft. Hopefully its funny.

Ness yawned. It was a boring summer day in Eagleland. There was literally nothing to do. Which was why he was surfing the web, bored out of his skull. Jeff was off at some science competition, and Paula was off at a relative’s wedding. All of the other Kid Smashers were busy as well. Toon Link and Tetra were sailing somewhere, the Ice Climbers were off…well, climbing, and Lucas’s notoriously spotty internet connection was down for the umpteenth time. Bowser Jr was out racing karts, Igrene was off at one of her Splat Fests and as usual, Diddy and Dixie were doing…“Kong things”? Whatever that entailed. To make matters worse, all of his other friends were not able to hang out, which crossed off skateboarding, baseball and soccer from Ness’s list. Which left him stranded at home, watching videos on the internet. Why couldn’t something interesting be happening? What was the point of Summer Break if he couldn’t enjoy it?

Suddenly, Ness’s phone buzzed. He checked it to see that he had received a text from Toon Link. He opened the text.

“Hey dude! Remember that cooking video Popo said he was going make? He actually posted it! You gotta see it to believe it!”

Attached to the bottom of the text was a link. Ness clicked on the link and the video began to load. He propped up the phone on his desk and rubbed his hands. Popo, while having marginally better cooking skills than Took Link and Tetra, the only other decent cooks amongst the Kid Smashers, thought he was much better than he actually was. Something with cooking Nana something when she was feeling down. Sounded pretty fishy to Ness, but then again, he hadn’t been there when he’d done it. It was time to see how good his ice climbing buddy was at cooking.

The video opened up with Popo standing at a counter in a kitchen, dressed in full ice climber attire, parka, mittens and all. The counter was covered with various cooking devices. On the left, a blender and a rice cooker stood next to a number of pots and pans while on the right, a couple pineapples sat next to some large bowls.

“Hey everybody! Captain Parka Man here with a cooking tutorial! Today, we’re looking at water!”

Ness snorted. Water? Seriously? He took a sip of his cherry soda. He had better things to drink than water. And also, Popo was going to need a different name then Captain Parka Man.

“Now water is really important for you! Gotta stay hydrated, right? And it’s healthy for you too! A lot of fitness experts recommend drinking water for your health! But water is boring! It literally has no taste! Which is why we’re going to fix that!”

Popo pulled out a large clear pitcher, full of water from behind one of the pineapples.

“I’m gonna show you some really easy ways to make your water AWESOME!”

Popo reached behind the rice cooker and pulled out a bowl and a pair of tongs.

“The first thing we can do is to add ice! I know that this might seem like a no brainer suggestion, but have you ever tried drinking lukewarm water? Yeah, not that great. Even worse than the time my buddies dared me to eat my cereal with water!”

Ness chuckled under his breath. Those friends had been Bowser Jr and himself. The look on Popo’s face after he’d gotten halfway through the bowl of cereal and he started getting to the soggy part had been priceless.

Popo put a few ice cubes into an empty class cup and then poured in some water.

“Anyway, traumatic memories aside, that’s great! But let’s try to get to something more helpful. A lot of people add ice to their water! How can we make this glass of water even better?”

Popo reached behind the rice cooker again and pulled out several small bottles.

“You can flavor your water with different juices and extracts! You can try some of my suggestions here like lemon juice, lime juice, peppermint extract or mint extract! You can even mix and match them!”

Popo took the bottle of lemon juice in one hand and the bottle of lime juice in the other hand and added a small splash of each. He stirred the water with a spoon and took a sip.

“Not bad! But it gets even better!”

Popo reached behind the rice cooker again and retrieved a bag of sugar.

“Most sodas and processed juices have lots of added sugar. That means that even if you add a tablespoon of sugar to your water, it’s still better for you then soda! Yes! That means this water with sugar added to it is better for you than the soda you’ve got in your hand right now! Isn’t that amazing?”

Ness nearly spat out his soda mid sip as Popo poured the tablespoon of sugar into his drink and stirred it in. His face burned with embarrassment. Ness was known for drinking soda all the time, and he knew exactly who Popo was aiming for with that comment. He could practically hear Bowser Jr and Toon Link laughing hysterically. Tetra and Nana at a minimum were also probably getting a good laugh from that too. He was getting Popo back for that one.

Popo took a gulp of his cup of lemon lime sugary ice water.

“That’s delicious!” said Popo. “And if you’re counting calories, all of this flavor comes with basically no calories! Well, except for the sugar, but it’s gonna be a whole lot less calories than your sugary drink of choice! That’s what makes this so great! You can also substitute the sugar for your natural or artificial sweetener of choice! That’s part of what makes water so great, it goes with almost everything! Don’t be afraid to experiment with some stuff! Just not with cereal. That’s bad. Take it from me.”

He slid the cup of lemon lime sugar water behind the rice cooker.

“But that’s not all! To only focus on ice water would be to ignore the other side of water! Hot water is great and is always way better than lukewarm water!”

Popo reached behind the pineapples on his other side and pulled out a glass cup that was full of hot steaming water.

“Now we have a beautiful cup of hot water here! Now this here is totally ready to drink as is!”

Popo took a sip and grimaced. “Gah! Burned my tongue! But other than being a little hot, this is great! But how can we improve this?”

Popo pulled out his collection of bottles of juices and extracts.

“These juices and extracts that we just used on our cold water work just as well here with hot water! But that’s not all! You can flavor you water with tea leaves, coffee beans, meat and vegetables! All you gotta do is not add too much sugar! But there’s even more! You can even mix in chocolate chips into your water and drink it after they melt! Remember, it’s still less sugar than your average soft drink! Like this Eggplant Soup bouillon cube I’ve got here! This is great for flavoring my water here!”

Popo dropped the bouillon cube into the cup of hot water and stirred it until it dissolved. He took a gulp.

“Now that’s what I call hydration!” said Popo with a massive grin.

“Well anyway,” continued Popo. “That’s all I’ve got for this one. Make sure to tune in next time as we tackle vegetables because nobody likes constipation! I’ll see you all then! Make sure to like, comment and subscribe before you go! Captain Parka Man out!”

And with that, the video ended. Ness burst out laughing. This was just great.

He pulled up his contacts on his phone, and selected Paula. He began typing.

“Hey Paula! You ever wonder how you’re supposed to make water? Check this out…”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Real quick before you go, let me plug my discord server:
> 
> Do you like Super Smash Bros Fanfiction and Fanart? Then the Super Smash Prose Discord server is for you! If this interests you, the Discord ID is gDK48ua.


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